Positive and Hopeful

I thought about taking pictures this weekend.  I also thought about digging out my tape measure and getting accurate measurements of my stomach.  I could do the whole range of measurements but I rarely care about that when others post those numbers and I don’t imagine I am alone in that.  I didn’t skip these things out of not wanting to face them, but more out of a lack of time.  I was busy with friends and church and even napping once.  Plus I spent a lot of time cooking and some time cleaning and those things make me feel good about myself. It feels good to plan and to accomplish things.  It feels so hopeful.

Speaking of hope, it’s good to remind myself that I am a hopeful person about most things, most of the time.  I am the one who will always bat back your negative with a positive.  I always look for the happy ending.  I know it can be annoying to the person on the other end and I do try to temper it if they just want some commiseration.  I’ve noticed lately, though, that I’m more negative than I used to be.  I’ve got an angry feeling inside a lot and I don’t like it.  I’m willing to blame others for my problems, a lot of which include food issues, and I’m sitting on an angry go when it comes to money or doctors or customer service when it doesn’t go my way.  Kill them with kindness used to be my motto but I seem to be a dried out old hag anymore.  Kindness is more work than it used to be.  Even right now I want to tell you about all the ways I have a hard time being kind because someone made me this way.  It’s someone else’s fault.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” It says some other stuff too, but the first part is the relevant part.  James 3:6 says, “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.  It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” Dramatic, yes, and yes, I am one of *those* people.  If you aren’t one of *those* people, or aren’t open to *those* people, disregard that.  Look instead here, http://www.nbcnews.com/id/14309026/?GT1=8404#.VpPkU3JgnGg, or read Evan Carmichael. If they don’t flip your skirt, a quick Google search will bring you thousands of hits on the power of positive speaking.  That’s how I found the link and Evan Carmichael, actually.  Whatever your preference, there is truth in the belief that we can control what happens to us by the words we use to define ourselves or speak about ourselves or think about ourselves.

I can see that it would be easy for me to complain here.  I’m nameless and faceless and who doesn’t love a platform from which to tell everyone how awesome I am and not awesome others are?  It would be so easy to tell you all the negatives I see in myself because of my age or my weight or other factors that I’m not quite ready to delve into.  It would be ridiculously easy to blame my failures on someone else. There’s no way to disprove it if you don’t know me.  However, I have no interest in that.  I'm tired of being mean to myself.  Doing that doesn’t change me and despite the vindication I may (falsely) feel, what I really want is change.  I do not want to stay here.  I don’t not want to be the same person making the same mistakes ad nauseam.  Blargh. 

Bring on the change. I’m not staying here.